I endured 44 minutes of “Model Squad” on E! because I often love to veg out on reality tv. It is so unrealistic and is like an alternate reality. I also feel it is such an amazing reflection of what is spoon-fed to us by the media. In the show, I watched different models do awkward skits of their lives and vaguely describe their upbringings and lifestyles. I never got to know any of them, really. They are beautiful and very thin and spoke about how work revolves around their image. The women weren’t portrayed with substance and didn’t feel connected when they talked to each other or at the camera. As I watched this show, I was bored and wanted to learn real facts about these women. How did they meet their boyfriends? How do they emotionally deal with a job that dictates their eating habits and physical features? How do they feel about themselves?
While it was the pilot, I felt like this show really displayed what society preaches to us: “Beauty or brains, but not both.” As women, we are taught this around puberty and it sets in and is often a theme in life.
There are girls that like to read and do math, and there are girls that wear lots of makeup and go to parties. There are women that are computer programmers and CEO’s and there are women that are housewives and models. As women, our looks depict society’s perceptions of our IQ and evidently, depth.
A few years ago, I traveled to San Jose, CA and noticed something very different about their female population. I’ve grown up in Orange County, CA where nose jobs happen before the age of eighteen and makeup is full fledged in 7th grade. But San Jose was a different beauty routine. Lululemon, Birkenstocks and Stanford degrees run rampant. All while, an Anastasia Contour palate is nowhere to be seen. Women were natural and did as much glam prep as maybe the average male. Women are much more educated in NorCal than SoCal and it transcends their appearance, and you could say gender. This posed my question, why are smarter avoiding sparkly highlighter and defined brows?
Many people, men and women alike, will argue that smart women don’t care about beauty products or the rules of societal beauty standards because they are SMARTER. And by “smart”, I mean they don’t care what defines beauty or how they look because they have a high IQ and are competent like their male counterparts- who could care less about physical appearance. For example, women with masters degrees and are CEO’s do not have large fake breasts and a face full of makeup, because they don’t need or like those characteristics.
This ideology is prime misogyny, by just the discount of a feminine attribute or even looking feminine and negating it based on male superiority. To fully break it down to simpler terms, women look pretty to attract men and men attract women with performance of success. Therefore, women that focus more on performance and success are the superior divide of the female population.
This is such a common theme in education and female misogyny (women being misogynist to other women). I really think this mindset derives from how we are encouraged as children. Parents will tell girls they are “pretty” or “beautiful” or some parents will tell their girls they are “smart” and “brilliant”. While boys will hear: “strong”, “smart”, “talented”. Compliments towards young boys are rarely based on physical appearance. Children internalize these compliments and strive closer towards them when they are heard. Young girls separate themselves to smart and beautiful and don’t find the two labels coexisting in self definition. They will say “I’m smart, I’m not good at makeup and girly stuff” or vice versa. They take a label that feels innate, yet still praised.
Growing up, my father used to tell me in middle school, “Go to school, it doesn’t matter what you wear or look like”. He would tell this to me so I would avoid wasting time to get ready in the morning and putting makeup. While this raised me with a positive female perspective of education, I would feel insecure at school. I would look at myself in the bathroom and feel so insecure. I would be uncomfortable without makeup and an outfit I didn’t like. I would go into class not feeling good about myself and feel ugly. By college, I chose later classes so I could get ready in the morning. Of course for finals, I would show up with forgetting deodorant and in sweatpants off the floor. But, before finals I loved looking my best at school and admiring myself when walking past windows. With false eyelashes and lipstick on, I was confident and would always raise my hand in lecture and ask questions and participate because I felt good about myself. I am just not someone that feels good without makeup and that’s okay. It has been a hard pill to swallow for me because a large part of me loves the routine of the morning transformation and actually looking as good as I feel after I put makeup on and wear certain things. How we feel beautiful shouldn’t be shamed and whether that’s natural or not, that’s okay.
My argument isn’t based off of the glam-shaming I’ve endured while pursuing my education or just in everyday life. I am truly sick of the the fact that women are boxed into labels that anyone can acquire and shamed for only being sexy OR smart. We really are forced to choose over being sexy or smart because being both is unbelievable. If you’ve seen “Cinderella Story” with Hillary Duff (one of my favorite movies), we can remember the scene where the stepmother tells her “You’re not very pretty and you’re not very bright.” And sadly, we are raised with this mentality. As women, we compensate for what we feel we lack. Or even the popular meme, “F*ck math, I’ll be a stripper.” Society designs us to believe we have one “redeeming”quality-but never both.
I sincerely hope that as women, we don’t separate ourselves into being either smart or beautiful. I hope we end making fun of girls that wear too much makeup and insinuate they’re dumb. I hope we stop portraying smart, successful women as unattractive/nerdy/mediocre looking. I hope that we as women see all women with high self-value and intelligence, regardless of their physical appearance. I hope the stigma that women are one label dies off and my granddaughter will know and be taught she’s beautiful and brilliant.
Manhood in America 24 August 2018
While visiting my new campus, I drove past the frats and sororities. I flashback to headlines on the news and hearing horror stories. All tied around sexual assault, hazing, and violence. As an outsider looking in, I imagine these young men act as if their conscious leaves their body and they commit horrendous actions. With many frats court cases, it is hard to see how these frat boys are even human just based on the fact of their horrendous acts. It’s even harder for me to see why parents would allow their sons to be part of frat life. Maybe it’s because the father, a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, was in the same one?
Now let’s look at Corporate America, where the frat boy’s father exceeds. Men, men everywhere. They have their expensive watches and Italian shoes. They are the superior American man. They make good salaries and they don’t fix the plumbing-they hire a guy for that. They are the prim and proper manly man. They invite their coworkers to BBQ’s and plan double dates with their wives. They go to bars after work. While, isn’t this just a facade? Corporate America is really just a brotherhood, where men protect themselves and are out for themselves. Fewer than one-third of cases of sexual harassment are ever reported, and fewer than one-third of those are prosecuted. 70 percent of women who experience sexual harassment at their jobs don’t report it for fear it will cause negative repercussions, both personally and professionally. With these statistics, men obviously prove their masculinity everyday. Maybe these actions are a little similar to their college days, minus the keg stands.
I always consider the question of why are male spheres such an issue? Why do crazy situations end up being discussed in a Court room? I do not think fraternities are the issue because they are the way they are due to how they are led. A community of students all joining together for I do not think fraternities are the issue because they are that way due to how they are led. A community of students all joining together forcamaraderieand fun is something that should be cherished. While, that isn’t how fraternities are at all. The issue isn’t a male dominated corporate sector that led to the wage gap and gender inequality as a whole. The issue is a deep rooted problem. It started from when these men were young boys. It started from how they raised, talked to and parented.
Boys are raised so differently as girls. They are taught to place value on their physical capabilities and confidence. They are raised to compete. Compete in school, compete in sports, compete for anything at all. Emotions are an after-thought, because crying and feelings can very much “cloud” your mental strength. Boys are so harshened in the early ages which led to the lack of knowing how to healthily deal with their emotions and insecurities. One of the many reasons men are more likely than women to be incarcerated and struggle with addiction.
Even consider the theme of super-heroes. They are strong, powerful, figures that save the world. Men must display power and aptitude in competitive arenas in order to strive in society. Just like women strive to be pretty, men strive to be dominating. In the argument of competition, fraternities and Corporate America breed this charade. How many girls you sleep with, how many girls you rape, how many beers you can drink. How many deals you can get, how much money you make, how much the boss likes you. Not saying competition is unhealthy, but to the degree both environments take it, it can be.
I drew a comparison to two different backdrops: fraternities and Corporate America. Because while having so much in common, one is so much more glamorized than the other. I so often think that in society we forget the dark corners of male dominated spheres and rarely identify the solution. The problem isn’t alcohol, drugs, being impressionable, or the male ego. While those are great guesses and lies, the issue is what is preached into the minds of these men. The evil masculine identity is the root of why men strive for power in any way, shape or form. Masculinity is validated in power and strength. This enforced concept never leaves the mind of a young boy and won’t dare escape when he’s fifty years old.
Imaginary Friends: Human Trafficking crime in Las Vegas 15 July 2018
I land in McCarran airport and walk into the restroom and sit down in a stall. I look at a Human Trafficking hotline advertisement on the back of the door and read their resources. On the borders of the ad were little handwritten messages from women that sat before me, like “You are loved, please get help” and many other things along the lines of that. I immediately think about how I could never fathom the pain those young girls and women could be experiencing. Its easy to see how crime-ridden Las Vegas is but their human trafficking problem is stashed away, because that isn’t a glamorous topic. Women are an object in Vegas. With driving billboards advertising “GIRLS DIRECT TO YOU” and strip clubs a plenty, sex work is thriving and loud but Vegas' best kept secret is, as well for a good reason.
Prostitution is legal in Vegas as well as brothels in non-populated eras, I would think because the authorities have given up trying to control a sector that cannot be controlled. While this government mindset helps sex workers and provides them great incomes, the state’s officials are so engrossed in crime and are in deep shit to say the least. After reading multiple policy news articles and victim’s personal experiences, its clear to see that Nevada officials pretend to appear LOST with what to do when it comes to human trafficking.
When I read that such a large majority of the victims were foster youth, its obvious to see that the issue in Nevada isn’t sex work or the exploitation of women. It’s their government and social services. While diving deeper into this, I googled the tax situation state-by-state, because taxes pay for foster youth resources and obviously social services. I then unfortunately saw, Nevada, one of the ten states with the lowest income tax and one of seven that doesn’t tax on personal income. What else do you expect from a red state?
I wrote this blog to further understand human trafficking, but like all of my blogs they truly lead me down a rabbit hole. I really didn’t think I would find a true answer of why human trafficking is such an issue in Vegas. I just thought it was because of crime. And while, their issue is truly home grown and self derived. Nevada’s own enemy is themselves. Along with the other states that have horrendous social service problems, Vegas has a way of generating crime due to its history and is a safe environment for the disgusting men and women that exploit vulnerable minors. Its heartbreaking to know that more than eight out of ten foster youth end up to live a terrifying, unthinkable life before fifteen. Nevada officials are responsible and their tax laws will continue to hurt those that need the money the most. Maybe we should all see that the Vegas lights don’t shine that bright after all.
Some amazing outreach programs, like CASTLAand Polaris Projectwork towards research on human trafficking and the legalities of that go into the issue and show you how to help. Human trafficking is a governmental issue and a feminist issue.
Battle of the Feminists 9 June 2018
I never knew that there was a division of feminism; Radical and Liberal feminism until I dived deep into this blog. I alway knew there were the feminists that would shame me for giving a blowjob to get an A and ones that would cheer me on. I didn't know there were full communities that would feud on instagram! I immediately got excited. I wanted to learn more about radical feminism and why they want to rip out lib fem's armpit hair. I'm kidding, hopefully.
To be fully honest, I do see rad fem's in a better and more understanding way after reading @greenpartyradfemxx's (is currently @debtfree_and_woke) answers. Maybe some of you know her-she does get a lot good recognition or notoriety in the feminist community, thats why I was DYING to talk to her. Lucky for you and me, she answered my questions perfectly and was very educational. I'm practically giving you a free sparknotes summary of lib-fems vs rad-fems. You are so welcome.
Please tell me a little about yourself. I’m 26 almost 27, I’m bisexual but still in the closet, I’m in Southern California, and I work at the corporate office of a cosmetic/skincare company.
Have you always had your beliefs on social issues/women’s issues? To be honest, I think I would say I had some feminist beliefs, even if I didn’t know it at the time. I was raised conservative and I never liked how they went harder on the girls than the boys when it came to purity culture.
What has been your journey to the radical feminist community? Oh boy. My journey was a long one. The short version is I went from being a conservative, to a libertarian, to a female MRA, to a liberal feminist with second wave leanings, to a radical feminist. It was very long but the journey has been worth it.
How would you define the difference between a radical feminist and a liberal feminist? The difference between liberal feminism and radical feminism is that liberal feminism tends to focus on surface-y things. Radical feminism focuses on the root. Which is something that will truly address all the issues that the liberal feminists want to combat. For example, if you want to stop objectification of women in media, you need to get to the root of the problem. Misogyny.
I have wrote many pieces that argue porn in the feminist perspective. What are you thoughts of porn from your standpoint? In regards to porn, people mistake me for being a conservative or “being like the church.” I have to tell them that I’m not a conservative anymore and my reasons for being anti-porn are vastly different from theirs. I even tell them that I’m not an advocate for purity culture because I’ve suffered scars from it. I see pornography as nothing short of sheer hatred of women. They use them as objects and don’t think of them as people.
Do you think feminism, regardless of being liberal/radical is helping our society as a whole? Why/Why not? That’s a tricky one. I think if you don’t differentiate between liberal and radical feminism, the question can’t be answered properly. I would say that radical feminists who fought for women to be able to participate in basic every day life and who want to continue liberating women as a sex class are doing great things for women. Liberal feminists are dragging us back to the point where they think the very sex roles that feminists of old fought against are “feminist” or “empowering” all merely because of “muh choicey choice!!!”
Do you think being anti-porn/sexwork excludes individuals in that industry and contribute to slut-shaming/sex shaming? In regards to sex work, no I don’t think it should be supported by feminists. That doesn’t make me a SWERF (sex worker exclusionary radical feminist). The thing is, the industry is built on misogyny and male entitlement. I’m all for having a healthy sexuality, but no amount of regulation will protect women from abuse from men. Furthermore, the sex industry is what drives the demand for sex trafficking in the first place. It’s a way to get supply to meet the demand. It’s a by-product of capitalism. As for the women making large amounts of money, it is but a small percentage. Most women are in the industry because they have no other choice. There’s no livable wage, the rent is skyrocketing, there’s no free education, healthcare, etc. If we had those things, I can almost guarantee you that these women would leave the industry.
As for this sort of thing contributing to “slut shaming,” there’s two things I want to get out of the way. 1) “slut” cannot be reclaimed as it is a misogynistic slur in general. It should never be in a woman’s vocabulary or a man’s. 2) If anything, I’m finding that some of the strongest opponents of the sex industry are current or former sex workers themselves. Not right wingers. In fact, I find more often than not that liberal feminists work to downplay or even silence these women when they come forward with their horrific experiences.
Because I identify with so many personal categories, I have found feminism to be inclusive and create the conversation for toxic masculinity, trans, poc and gender equality. After looking through your posts you define feminism for only women, lesbians, and women of poc. How would you describe inclusivity and exclusivity within the radical feminist community? In the radical feminist community, inclusivity means putting females of all races, orientations, classes, etc. first and foremost. The only people we really exclude are males. So the term “TERF” is a misnomer. A more accurate description would be “MERF” (male exclusionary radical feminist) or “PERF” (penis exclusionary radical feminist). Our movement is centered on females as a sex class. This even includes trans men as they are still and always will be biologically female. Even if some don’t want to acknowledge it.
Unfortunately many of my conversations with liberal feminists have been negative. Many of them resort to name calling and don’t seem open to having the conversation about addressing primarily sex based oppression in a moment made by females for females.
I've specifically seen @pro_choice refer to you as being anti-trans. What do you think about these accusations? I don’t think I see trans kids or teens as dysphoric much of the time. In some cases, I find that their parents, peers, and even schools are pushing this idea that if you don’t fit into sex roles, that it means you’re not the sex you were born as. And no, it’s completely different from the right wing. Many times, they fear that their gender nonconforming children will turn out to be gay or lesbian. We on the other hand, don’t care if someone is gender nonconforming and/or turns out to be gay or lesbian. We want them to have the freedoms to be themselves without hormones or surgery. Furthermore, I don’t understand how some people can argue that even if a child or teen cannot consent to many other things, but somehow this is the exception to the rule. Even if it’s life-changing.
As for the accusations of being anti-trans, they’re ridiculous. I have to reiterate that I am not opposed to human rights for trans identified people. I want them to have access to employment, housing, healthcare, etc. Hell, I even want there to be more research on treating dysphoria in a more holistic way. But it seems as though every time someone, including detransitioners, come forward with it, they get no-platformed or told that they’re “TERF-leaning.” Why shouldn’t we look into more ways to treat dysphoria?
No, I don’t think excluding trans women from feminism is being anti-trans. The thing is, even if I am for human rights for trans people, I think they’ve almost been like vampires to the feminist movement. Demanding that we use all our emotional activist labor on them and if we dare use any of it on ourselves, we’re “exclusionary” or we’re “selfish TERFs.”
What do you think is the biggest issue within the liberal feminist community? Oh boy! I have a laundry list of problems with liberal feminism. But I think the biggest one is a serious lack of introspection. They don’t understand why women are leaving feminism. Many women are running into the arms of conservatives, antifeminists, the alt-right, and radical feminists. They’ve had enough of the insanity coming from the neoliberals in the liberal feminist movement. But many liberal feminists don’t understand why. They need to have a serious look in the mirror and ask themselves what they’re doing wrong.
What is your activist goal for the radical feminist community? Right now, one of the biggest goals for radical feminism is to get more women talking and raising their consciousness and awareness to what has happened to the movement. We want to get more women to connect with each other and be honest about some of the problems they have with liberal feminism and trans activism. Let them know that they are free to feel the way they do and that they can talk about their issues. Putting women first is not selfish. Once that’s been achieved, we can fight battles such as the ongoing reproductive rights battle, fight against FGM, child marriage, sex trafficking, etc. all those things are based on biological sex. When we are united, we can fight a much more effective war on sexism.
Thank you, June, for being so amazing and answering my questions. Follow June, @debtfree_and_woke and other rad-fems and lib-fems on Instagram to further your exploration of the communities.
Manag(h)er 20 May 2018
I’ve worked MANY jobs. I’ve been employed by like seven different places in the last 2-3 years, yes thats weird and no I don’t have a drug problem. Most of them were retail and now I currently work in the service industry. Even in the short times I’ve spent with a manager, I have learned a lot from my past bosses and have valued them, even if I talked bad about them behind their back. I wanted to write about women that worked in public-sphere leadership roles because of my current boss and how the women I’ve met are important for my journey and many other women.
My boss now is someone that doesn’t have an elitist personality and the men that work below her do, maybe they’re just weird, not sure. She is relatable and knows how to make her employees feel welcome and cared for. I think just by working for her I’ve learned more about work ethic and a good work environment. I’ve never looked up to one of my bosses the way I do with her due to the fact that she thrives in a male dominated sphere and is professional in every way. She is intimidating but that’s just because of how smart she is and because people are more often intimidated by women than men. Meeting her has shown me the importance of female leadership and how it is so needed to create a role model experience for men and women alike.
Female managers go into a work environment immediately disliked and unwelcome due to the fact that they are female and managers. At the end of the day, our society still would rather take command from a man instead of woman. Our repulsive president is still a man, Forbes 500 CEOs are over 80% male and sexism is still very prevalent. Female women in the public sphere take much more shit than a man would and if you disagree, walk into literally any commercial business or think about the last person you or someone else yelled at it in a commercial business. Leadership for women is a treacherous venture and we often forget their battles to get to where they are. We are fortunate that we won’t have to endure what women before us have endured and we still must continue to pave the road for the next generation.
One of the best talents women have as managers is their ability to connect with others. Because retail is a female dominated environment, sometimes the management isn’t. My bosses that actually liked me, connected well with me and made me feel comfortable and appreciated. The managers that didn’t like me still intertwined emotional and professional connections with their employees and I think that is truly a talent women have, naturally. As women, we have socially evolved to be less maternal because of social equality and that has not only helped us but has allowed us to cross traits with how we perform and interact. The good managers I’ve had are both warm, caring, assertive and masterful. They multi-task their expressions and how they communicate in order to get the best possible results, all while battling angry customers and standing all day.
The most powerful and important talent women in leadership have is their ability to handle both feminine and masculine qualities when in control. Even though we have made progress, women are still very conscious of being a bitch and coming off too strong. I have met many female bosses that didn’t care about their tone or body language, but most of them did. Most them were passive aggressive or just conscious. I think that bosses that are reflective of how they communicate, regardless of gender, create a more successful team due to the lack of fear in their . There is a difference between a good boss and a good boss that scares you. As a woman in leadership, both men and women are going to be intimidated by you and creating the energy for that situation isn’t mastered by many. The temptation for women leaders to be softened and submissive is huge and I think is the reason why women in leadership stays to such a small sector of business. Their ability to express themselves, get things done and earn respect should never be undermined and I think is a major accomplishment for today.
But there is another issue at hand when it comes to women in the workforce. While most to all of my managers have been women, 70% of them have been white women. Two out of the seven managers were minorities and this is not a just a bias experience. Most commercial businesses promote caucasian men and women rather than men and women of color. Men of color are also more likely to get positions than women of color. Keep these facts in mind when analyzing who you give profits/business to. Companies that do or don’t promote equally is something that should always be a conversation. You can read more about this topic, here.
I am grateful to the women that have worked with the public and I quickly realized their talent and amazing skillsets. Just like my mother who worked with the public for 25 years, they are often taken for granted and their feminist narrative is something we should all respect.
Every Rose has its Thorn 8 April 2018
Many of you might know Rose McGowan for being a provocative pop star; outspoken and unique. I was introduced to her when I was around 4 years ago and saw her bjorky music video about something and it involved blood, I think. She was one of the many women that came out against Weinstein’s during his sexual harassment tour. She then continued her work to be feminist/sexual assault victim advocate. I’ve seen a lot her public statements and thought they had the right message. I appreciated her ability to give zero fucks and blunt.
I learned a lot more about her in the first episode of Citizen Rose. The episode was a rollercoaster and very emotional. You not only learn about her tumultuous life but also her stride to fight the bad guys and work with assault victims.
I was a fan after watching the first episode but found the show almost too dramatic. I don’t know if it was editing or the directing but it was emotionally draining and didn’t have enough commentary about sexual assault and rape culture. It showed more of Rose’s emotional conversations. It was less of a conversation about sexual assault but rather the problems with our patriarchal society and its ability to seize feminism, in every way possible. (She does talk shit on Meryl Streep, through so that was a nice bonus lol)
It’s not a surprise that this show was made, especially since #metoo. I was surprised that E! produced it, partly because of their content and constant lack of social awareness. I think the show captured McGowan well and made her look like she was someone that was authentic and raw.
I had all of these thoughts before I saw this video.
Yes, it is disturbing and made me question her whole response and behavior. It made me feel a lot of emotions and told more about her as a person, but also the minuscule Trans conversations and role models we have today.
I think her initial response, open and relaxed, was what we would expect from her. She is a celebrity, and that comes with arrogance, and that was very demonstrated. It was such a shame how she responded and let her ego get the best of her. I actually don’t think the trans woman was trying to bicker with Rose, but rather enlighten her and lean her towards trans issues. The trans woman in the video wasn’t against her per say, but when tensions arose, that changed. Rose could’ve listened, understood, and held herself in a way that made her look like an advocate for all women.
At the end of the day, this video portrayed the work feminists need to do help trans individuals so they know they are loved and accepted in the feminist community. With the little representation the trans community receives- it’s easy to see why a trans activist needed Rose, a public figure, to be more inclusive and vocal. Although part of me, is not surprised by McGowan’s behavior. Not saying I condone it, but she seems very volatile in her show and on edge. Many moments of the episode show her getting in arguments with people that are actually supporting her. How she communicated at her book signing reminded that we are insanely low on individuals that preach for equality and change. While Rose might believe she does that, she didn’t show her support for the trans community in the video and this should completely differentiate herself from the feminist movement.
I am disappointed that Rose isn’t the hero we deserve. I so badly wanted to root for her but because I want to believes us as feminists aren’t divided. Trans issues are women’s issues and have always been. The fact that we have opposing sides within us, weakens us in so many ways and I want to continue my conversations about the different opinions within feminism and why the separate us rather than unify us. Some good things will be coming soon on this topic.
The Woke Fuckboy 4 March 2018
Because times are changing, and millennials are always accused of being Charmin Ultra Soft, I wanted to do a blog about the new masculine figure we see today. While, the super manly, football loving cis man prototype is alive and well. So is the artistic, emotional, cis man. I think for how millennials were raised that created this unicorn of masculinity. These men are more free, fashionable and might be a mixologist at a very cute and expensive bar. They’re vegan and will judge your politically incorrect verbiage by having politically incorrect opinions.
I realized this trend in high school. The way other boys acted around their friends. How other boys acted towards fashion and grooming. Boys would root for their male friends and were affectionate towards them and it mirrors how little girls act with their friends. They view them less as competitors and more as friendly peers. They feel united when with friends and girls are now more assertive and aggressive. Am I making generalizations? No. I have seen this often in high school settings when I used to work for my community college. Although, I think the truth is, men are coming into their own in a weird way. And ~~~feminism~~~ is the cause. Their mothers are educated and working, they are involved in social issues and they feel a little funny when they think of Gal Gadot. They’re seeing the repercussions of sexual assault and harrasment on TV. The new generation of men is “soft”. They embrace a new brand of masculinity. The masculinity that takes on feminist ideas because thats whats cool now. I often find myself meeting these type of boys. I immediately swoon. I adore their hair, their trendy sneakers and sense of style and their wokeness. I see them as someone I can make small talk with, confide in or just feel a new sense of freedom around. I always see them as a female counterpart when they have similar tastes that I do because I’ve been raised around boys that had nothing in common with me. I give them the benefit of the doubt for their gender. I so badly want them to fuck me after talking fashion week’s hit or misses. Although, my experience with them goes awry quickly and I can never figure our just WHY.
They might use feminism as a ploy. They might stare at their phone more than they make eye contact. Or maybe my favorite- when they transform overnight into a Disney villain when you reject them. I know this can be anyone in general, not the millenial modern man. But, my point is that I feel so bamboozled by them! The more I know about them the more I dislike them. Their lack of authenticity and their need for constant validation is exhausting. They play more games than I do and it gets to the point where I’m competing for a common ground. Although, part of me really wants to love them and want them to love me too. I’ve often been told we dislike those too similar to us and maybe that is my problem. I’m used to being the complex one in a situation. I like to have a poker face and not let someone I’m attracted to know that. I don’t want them to know I’m mentally undressing them and praying they can’t tell I’m nervous. I like simplicity and find that “woke fuckboy” is anything but. He’s a feminist because his cousin was raped but fat girls are “gross”. He loves fashion but certain trends might make him look gay. They apply these negative connotations and contradict their entire beliefs. They use feminism and wokeness as a facade so they wheel you in and throw you back when you see them for what they are.
Its just like a Trump supporter believing in LBGTQ and women’s rights. Although, the woke fuckboy is like little bad eggs grown organically in our country and they dress super cute. Do I hate them? Not at all. I know why our generation has them. Part of me is glad their artificial personality is good, while a tiny Mike Pence is the operator in their brain. I struggle with the fact that these boys can be a daydream and not as good irl. I still have hope though. I do think theres a good woke-not fuckboy out there, waiting for our Bergdorf Goodman’s raid.
Defusing the Sex Bomb 4 February 2018
I do think “breaking the internet” was an exaggeration. I remember when it was champagne glass teetering on a photoshopped/nip cut “table”. I then remember the memes. I think “breaking sexuality” is a better term used for what I saw. I am neutral towards the Kardashians and by that I mean I hate any of their products but watch their show on a lazy weekend. I think what does attract me to them is the conversations they have created. Or maybe what attracts me is how they actually SHOCK society. (!) I am fully against her use of cornrows and find them offensive and a cultural appropriation action. (!)
People freaked out when Kim’s vagina wasn’t covered and this cover made me hear my aunt utter the words “baby-maker” when referring to a vagina. Yes, I cringed just like you just did. Then the criticism poured in while the family’s botoxed faces attempted to smile at the tweets/comments. Do they care about what others say? They don’t even hear it at this point. Maybe they do if a VERY public figure comments on it and their faux friends text them enough about it (Piers Morgan *cough cough*). Do I care what others say? Yes, I listen and observe. Why do I? Oh god, where do I start...
I think I listen because it tells a lot about society’s beliefs and their view on female sexuality. These comments are telling and repulsive. Her newest posts have received that and more. This post was sparked by my outrage of a video I saw on Instagram. I didn’t save the video or want it to share it. It portrays a woman I’m guessing that’s famous that criticizes kim at every angle. But mostly, because she’s a woman. ( This video was recently mentioned on Loveline with Amber Rose and I do not wish to mention her name) She starts by saying something like, “If Kanye would allow his wife to do this, he’s either out of his mind or a pimp”. She then attacks her for being an entrepreneur and a mother. It disgusted me and made me really angry. I think the angriest I’ve been since a trump thing. I’m really sick of hearing the “she’s a mom, therefore cannot be a sexual being” bullshit. Being a mother doesn’t dictate every avenue of your life, this belief also brings up the argument of how sexuality is sinning.
After I was angry hearing blatant oppression, I saw a female role model of mine like this post. This role model is a religious pastor that I thought was more modern and more accepting of women’s rights and equality. I think this was really the icing on the cake for me to continue my anti-slut Shame tour. I’ve been against slut shaming for years because I think we as women fear that shame and society preys on us being judged. I am fully confused by other women shaming other women, but do see it happening for ego reasons.
I find many reasons for disliking the Kardashians. Their glamorization of plastic surgery, them lying about plastic surgery, or their lack of social responsibility in general. But I fear that we as women will keep shaming others for being sexual beings. This entire article isn’t about how I want to defend kim. But I feel as though, if we don’t defend those in public and the media, the next woman in our life will keep being frowned upon for wearing a short dress or having a one night stand. We will keep seeing promiscuity as a real description and not a sexist label. We as an entire gender will give into the judgement and shame and that, in turn, will make us less united and a less powerful gender.
The New Enemy 13 January 2018
After seeing endless pictures of the Y2K trends on my Feed, it dawned on me and I mentally created a huge feminist hypothesis. A literal pink light bulb went on above my oversized head. Yes, I’m gloating for as long as I can. We all know fashion and media in the early 2000’s was obviously navigated by a horny 14 year old boy. This arrived quickly after women were wearing baggy pants and flannel shirts. There was a society metamorphosis and the “angry, ugly hating feminist” stereotype from the 90’s was the cause. Feminism in the 90’s was raw and wore black everyday. She was birthed with her fluffy eyebrows narrowed and Doc Martens dirty. She also wore shoulder pads and no longer worked as a secretary like her mother. Her bouffant was high and her tolerance for pig men in the office was low. Women were no longer a cookie cutter definition and not just a college activist or prude mom. A decade later, she has breast implants and wears “Juicy” on her freshly lipo’d tush. Is she a housewife, a sugar baby or a working mom? The answers are limitless. The result of all of the “angryness” from the 90’s did it’s job in the 21st century. Their clothing is more revealing and sends a new message to her environment. Their lipgloss is shiny and they’re still a little angry. Women are newly displayed as hypersexual, hairless unicorns. Christian fundamentalists and secret masturbators ~shockingly~ fought against the Y2K bae. Why were they upset that she was wearing a chain mesh crop top? A public g-string that matched her a choker? Because now, she isn’t sexualized in their minds. Her societal currency is on display where no one wants to be reminded that it’s her body. She is no longer an ugly, hairy feminist but a sparkly, Burberry Brit scented slut.
It has taken me lots of research to find my stance on women’s bodies on display is pro-woman, and my answer is maybe. It is pro woman if it’s a nude woman of color who wears size 16 or a breast cancer survivor at 52. And while that will take a while to be in Times Square, the photoshopped, fallacious Victoria secret model is a small step towards that. I strongly believe that over-sexualized size 0 models were not photographed in vain. The more we open up the conversation of the female anatomy, only good can come. The more we conceal her body, the more we conceal female ambition. Sexualizing her hidden in clothes is no different than cat-calling her wearing an awful Herve Leger dress (Google it and you’ll see every female celebrity in 2007).
The sexualization and trends led to what we have now, and the feminist progress that began in the second decade. Sexuality is changing all the time and the more it is inched into the mainstream, knowledge and growth occurs. I don’t know if slut-shaming will end, but I do know that de-eroticizing female sexuality and sex positivity strongly decreases an everyday oppression. We can only look at other women and our daughters as human and only they define their own sexual pathway. Just like we wouldn’t want someone calling us a “bitch” (how its funnily defined as aggressive/assertive/rude), we wouldn’t want someone judging our sexual decisions.