76 percent of 18 to 30-year-old American women report that they watch porn at least once a month, Covenant Eyes reports.
The Book of Odds references a research group that found 1 in 8.3 employees with Internet access will look at porn at work. The odds an adult who visited a pornographic website at work and claim it was an accident is 1 in 1.1.
These are statistics I found on Thoughtweb.com and I am not fully sure they are correct. It was difficult to NOT find bias conservative research on porn- which is always ironic to me by how explicit Victoria’s secret/Carl’s Jr commercials are and those are shown local channels. My view of porn has changed so much and I struggle with the fact that it doesn’t help more people and it hurts too many adolescences. I am very against kids under the age of 17 to watch porn. I didn’t start watching porn until I was around 18 and sexually active. Even at that age, porn did seem violent and graphic so being a child and seeing that must be very traumatizing. Parents should be supervising their children instead of being “anti-porn” because porn is WAY easier to look at/watch than getting a cigarette or other drugs. I also think people forget that porn is acting. That orgasm, squirt and cum shot is all acting, and yes there are Hollywood ways to make all of those look better on camera. I had to layout all my facts before I focused on why I even have an opinion on it because it has this sad stereotype that it’s for lonely old men that are creepy as hell.
I know all of the arguments against porn and I agree with some but bigger picture; porn is not the reason there are school shootings, sexual assault and cancer. What porn portrays is what paying customers want to see. It’s a business and if someone wants to pay to watch feet or cream pies, porn never invented those fantasies; they just sell it.
When I first started watching porn, I was so embarrassed. I told no one and always cleared my search history. I didn’t even tell my then boyfriend because of the fear of being judged. I am a fairly confident and person and yes, I was ashamed. I was doing something completely legal and safe in my own home and watching something that consenting adults were participating in. It’s practically just as normal shopping online but I didn’t know it then. There’s such a disgust and hatred towards porn and it’s really sad to see in our society.
What people don’t realize is that porn is such a useful tool for exploring your own sexuality and bonding with your partner. I personally have gotten so much more comfortable with my own sexuality and my body because of porn. It not only displays different body types but different ethnicities as well. And if you’re about to say it fetishizes ethnicities well so does our entire society and world. Porn was not the first media outlet to fetishize Asian, Latina, and black men and women. Do your homework, please.
In the way it has helped me connect with my partners is by how it makes us closer and be more open with our own sexualities. Being pro-porn has made me more sexually fluid and see sex in a new light that I wouldn’t have seen pre-porn. It’s freeing to know that your sexuality and preferences can change throughout your own self discovery and acceptance. I find it liberating to have the freedom to explore any genre of porn and learn new things that I get off to. It’s like trying a new flavor at the ice cream shop. Masturbation and sex is all designed around what YOU like and porn caters to those needs. Porn can spice up your own or shared sex life and is never a last resort. Thinking that it is bad that you might need to “add” things in bedroom is called putting effort into your relationship. No couple’s sex life is perfect.
Blood on the Sheets 11 February 2018
I’ve been having period sex for a while. I used to do anal with a tampon and it honestly felt like having McDonald’s when you want Ruth Chris. I don’t like tampons and I’m still neutral on anal because I’m forgiving. My favorite position in my period is when I’m pillow princess-ing (on my back). Yes, that’s my favorite term for missionary lol. Although, I soon figured out not everyone enjoys period sex like I do. I would never have period sex with a random person, because it is vulnerable in many ways. When I say vulnerable, I mean my vagina doesn’t smell like vanilla cake mix plus there’s blood. Yes, grown men are afraid of the natural, menstruating vagina. This is an innate statement. But when I am in a close relationship, I can expect period sex and so do they. Yes, there are downsides to period sex unlike regular sex but why women aren’t having it and why we’re told it’s gross is a separate issue.
I’ve heard many taboos about period sex but never from a gyno. 70% of men refuse to have period sex and it really, truly is disturbing. Am I saying men should be forced to have period sex? No. Are partners supposed to sexually satisfy their partner during their period and off their period? Yes. Sexual satisfaction can be done with toys, hands and without penetration. To act as if the vagina is this monstrous creature that works on Wall Street and beats his girlfriends in his penthouse is obscene. The disgust we as a culture have accumulated is why young girls grow up sexually insecure and uneducated.
Everyone is a little self conscious when they have period sex and if you are not I very much crave you feminine aura and beauty. The smell and the blood make me feel like my cooch is a little angry gremlin tucked away in my Costco underwear. I have considered using a daisy cup but it honestly scares the crap out of me so please let me know your daisy cup opinions. Maybe will try. I think the reason why we as women get self conscious is because of the social standard vaginas are held to. They have to be hairless, flowery, tight and possibly shoot glitter for a week out of the month? I don’t even think Adriana Lima’s is like that. But I could be wrong. We really have these rules about vaginas and I’m sick of hearing women and myself being insecure about a beautiful part of our bodies. I’m sick of getting razor burn and worrying that it doesn’t smell like Oprah on a spring day. We are always told our vaginas need to be guarded and sacred, yet they get so many rules and judgements. Why am I even surprised that vaginas take so much social abuse? Boys at a young age aren’t explained how periods really work or even what a yeast infection entails. Do our partners really love us the entire month? Or are we sexually undesirable 5-7 days out of month? Are we as sexual beings supposed to stop our sexual cravings 5-7 days out of the month? The social abuse the vagina takes is constant and won’t change until we educate kids and young adults that vaginas are natural and nothing is gross or weird about them. The blue magic water being poured on pads and dipped in tampons doesn’t help.
Very Naked and Afraid After 19 January 2018
Taking naked pictures of yourself is like taking a selfie nowadays. It does scare me a little that kids at twelve and thirteen are beginning to but thats a whole different blog post. We all remember our first time we took that picture our video. And we all know our routine and usual poses. I used to love taking sexual pictures and have made sex tapes that hopefully my family members will never see. I enjoyed putting on my favorite lingerie until a certain time where I had lost body confidence. While I’ve always been confident, its so easy to be insecure during an act that we emotionally label as “vulnerable”. To be honest, I had such a different direction about this subject until I really did some soul searching.
Diving straight into it, I recently made a sex tape with my partner. We both hinted about doing it and I’ve made some solo so I coerced myself because why not with someone that loves rom-coms (Yes, unicorns exist). I liked the idea of it because I (used) to enjoy snapchatting and pretending I was in a Penthouse spread. We didn’t plan it, it was spur of the moment. While filming POV style, I immediately thought of “Sex Tape” with Cameron Diaz, where the couple’s sex tape was on the cloud. Maybe I should’ve taken a few deep breaths beforehand. I got the fear of my family members seeing me getting penetrated and focused on my partner. After our shared orgasm the “Thats all folks!” vibe was imminent. It was weird. During sex, I didn’t feel intimately close because he was holding the phone and not making usual eye contact like I’m a Hot n Ready $5 pizza. After, we continued with our usual night and never watched the Great Value Kim K reenactment.
I couldn’t watch our sex tape and then remembered that a lot of people get turned off by theirs. My insecurities felt normalized and much better about myself. Although, 24 hours later I questioned why I didn’t want to. Why was I attaching my own body shame to a ritual I love with someone I love? Why didn’t I appreciate the connection and value the enjoyment of sharing our physical and emotional connection?
Real sex, where you might be wearing a sweatshirt, granny panties or nighttime retainer is sex that is the most vulnerable and intimate. Real sex is not just a physical attraction but a spiritual and emotional experience. I am NOT discounting lusty, new lingerie sex or random hookups because yes, those are important and very valid. I am labeling it “real” because it’s the unfiltered, natural and judgement free. What was recorded on my phone was real and something I am proud of- It isn’t fair that I am discrediting my amazing filmed orgasm because I hate my stomach or orgasm face. My body is part of my sexuality, but so is my heart and my mind and alienating those parts of my sexuality is sterilizing. Being insecure about my body will happen everyday, but that doesn’t mean I can let it seep into my relationship and our sex life. Our fears about our bodies and our sex lives have to be contrary.
Have sex with the lights on! Take pictures of things you don’t want to take pictures of! Accept the rugged intricacies that define true intimacy!
Nightstand Gems 2 January 2018
I think everyone thinks sex toys are weird. We are raised to think they’re taboo and funny because, hey- nobody talks about them!!! Sometimes you see them in the condom area at your local target or maybe on Amazon. Maybe you hear of your local housewife going to a sex toy party. But beyond the grapevines or sexual pleasure- sex toys are hidden. Some women talk about their sex toys with friends and some don’t, and that’s totally normal. A lot of people don’t use sex toys but in reality, most do. The Huffington Post reported, “44% of women 18 to 60 have used one, and that 78% of those women were in a relationship when they did”. Since almost everyone is using one, why aren’t we talking about it?
I think one issue with sex toys is that people get easily turned off to the idea of them and have a closed mind. They hear of butt plugs, anal beads, and rabbit vibrators. But if you’re shopping for anything without a lot of knowledge, everything is going to seem weird to you.
Shopping for sex toys is just like shopping for shoes or a new rug for your living room- knowing you! What do you like? What do you not like? Are you wanting to be open minded or stick to what you’ve heard about? If you’re someone that usually wants to buy things online I find sex toys to be a little different and suggest you go to a store and ask questions or look and test things and then order them online. That might also save you money if you check Groupon or Amazon.
During my recent sex shop visit, I didn’t feel anxious or uncomfortable which isn’t how I have always felt. I’ve been to 3-4 sex shops and each store has a different energy. Different stores cater to different needs and have different inventory. My other visits I didn’t know what I was looking for- I was a little distraught and didn’t want to get caught looking at something for too long. I used to ask the sales people questions and they usually would talk too long and I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking what I wanted to. I relate to the people that feel shame and uneasiness when in reality, everyone in there is there for the same reason. Since my recent visit, I have found a new love for sex shops and want to tell you how to act like a kid in a candy shop!
Please keep an open mind! Yes, there are weird items in there that will raise eyebrows and maybe make you giggle. I’ve done it. But, sex is an exploratory journey, and the more tolerance you have for what others like, the more you’ll have for yourself.
Shopping for sex toys can be done BY YOURSELF. You can also always take a best friend or your sex partner. Taking a best friend might relax you and make you feel like you can be honest with another person. Taking your sex partner can help spice things up and allow both of you to find what you like.
Know your own body. If you haven’t explored sex toys and find them still silly, do talk to a sales associate. Share with them you never have purchased a sex toy and what you’re into. My favorite items I own have been from assistance from sales associates. After doing a few visits, you’ll know the store and know what you like.
The cheaper the product, the crappier it is. It’s not like a forever 21 situation where you get an amazing dildo for $5. I’m also not telling you to buy the $300 vibrator. Look at their merchandise and whatever REALLY catches your eye, take it home. The cheap items do not last and will make you disappointed in your... time of need.
Buy the lingerie!!! Yes, it might be sleazy and tacky but I find it super fun. I love to peruse the thigh high section because those are always fun and like $7.
If you’re looking for lube, try to sample it on your hand first. Most stores have a WIDE variety of lube and you want to find the right one that’s quality and not from a local drug store.