5 Things I've Learned in the Past 5 Months 4 December 2018
After finding myself in a very different city and experiencing a very crappy summer job, I have learned many things, and only a few that left me crying at 2 am. While I wish someone has told me these things earlier in life, it really takes the “a-ha” moment to figure out what you should’ve known before.
The more experiences and interactions I’ve had, the more I’ve learned about life and myself. Being scared is normal and while I’m often scared, insecure, and unsure of my wisdom, I know I have grown so much in the past 3 months than I ever thought I would and wanted to share what I’ve learned with you.
Nothing is what it seems
I always thought I was good at picking up with energies and what happens behind the scenes. I was very wrong. Nothing is EVER peaches and cream. While I like to force into my mind that life is perfect, life really isn’t. With how transparent I can be, people often aren’t. Vulnerability is something more rare than anything in this world and I often forget because I’m emotionally eight years old. After meeting many people that I thought had a perfect life, I find out they might be battling an eating disorder, kleptomania or are serial monogamists. Always continue being vulnerable but also emotionally your age and know that no matter how beautiful or perfect a person seems to be, they have shit to deal with.
2. You cannot escape your problems Even when you’re having the most fun you thought you could ever have, you will still sober up and “Hello Darkness” will play in the back of your mind. Life doesn’t change just because of where you are and how happy you think you should be. Lifestyle changes are a bandaid for what’s internally wrong and accepting your issues is what heals them. I did have a fantasy of moving somewhere new and creating a whole new life for myself and while that was fun for two weeks, I still had issues. I was struggling with a disintegrating relationship and thrown into a new social circle that made me question if I can even make friends. I was in a new place but I still had the same fears I did year ago. Acceptance of your issues can’t be achieved by a new pair of shoes or a series of good nights out.
3. Fate is real Realizing “Where you are is where you’re supposed to be” is something that’s hard to believe but is why you’re in the place you are now. All of the challenges and celebrations from where you’ve been made you the person you are now. While you could feel like you’re in a slump or living it up, there’s some Da Vinci Code reason for it. When things take a turn for the worse, we wonder what we did wrong or if there’s something wrong with us. Just accept what’s happening because that’s all you can really do. You don’t have power over everything and can only control your actions.
4. Don’t say everything you’re thinking Maybe you’ve already mastered this, but I very much have not. I have always regretted what I’ve said. Rarely, have I ever told myself, “I wish I said ___”. Especially with meeting new people, saying negative or odd things might send the wrong perception of you, especially when this is all they know about you. I always overanalyze things and say things I regret and I think my energy can come off as someone I’m not. While it could be nerves or my lack of filter, I’ve learned to watch what I say and how silence is a virtue.
5. Stop thinking about how your life should be. After a difficult weekend, fully immersed in my regrets and shame, it dawned on me that I have made my past issues obstacles for myself and barriers for me to live my life. I have had a rough past few years and I have internalized this and made them take over my life. My idea of self worth was hurt because I didn’t think I had the life I wanted. I thought I wanted to have a lot of friends, a great boyfriend and have my family proud of me. In all honesty, no one gets everything they want, because we are always too hard on ourselves. You should want things in your life because you want them versus feeling like your life should be a certain way. Stop pressuring yourself because I truly did waste my time. Happiness comes when you want to put happiness out into the universe.
Sidenote: I hope you have learned a little from this blog and I truly have missed writing for that long amount of time even though it was only a month. Thank you to my readers for still visiting.