To Someone that hurt me/ To someone I hurt 24 June 2019
To someone that hurt me,
I was seventeen and thought very little of myself. I was enthralled in the attention you gave me and feeling wanted. I wish someone would’ve grabbed me and shook some common sense into me. You took all the trust I had in the world, as a weapon. You grasped at any power you could have over me- knowing I was withdrawing. I ran and hurt. It hurt feeling trapped by someone as cruel and pathetic as you, as well as being fearful of someone as low as you. I swallowed my fears and knew you would come after me. You did. I crave a different form of revenge towards you, all the while you are living your karma. There is still a part of me that is still scared of you, knowing you have nothing valuable in your life left to lose. I have nothing but pity for you and have grown compassion for those that know the monster of abuse. Even when I look at myself in the mirror, with a lot of liquor in my system, I know I am beautiful. Maybe you were an obstacle towards that, but I have moved forward from the seventeen year old . I will never claim you.
To someone I hurt,
I have so many memories with you and moments I wish I could relive. I miss you everyday. You made me the person I am today and I wish I could write this without tears streaming down my face. I regret the actions I made and learned from them. You never made me worry, sad, or lost, instead made me feel full, happy and warm. I hope you become everything I knew you could be and find someone as perfect as you. I hope I can love as much as you can. I hope I can be as committed to someone as you were to me. You gave all of your energy to us. I haven’t grown out of needing you. I look for people like you. I broke something that I will always regret. I don’t know when I’ll be okay with knowing you won’t talk to me. I deserve that but can’t live with the fact that I don’t get to know how you’re doing. It’s been six months. This time last year, I wasn’t the person you needed and thought I could runaway from who I was. With every little success, I think about what you would say if I told you. I hope you stop being so hard on yourself and never think about the things I said. I never thought that went we met, I would ever love you or love someone as much as I loved you and I’m sorry I didn’t know how to do that. I do hope you’re less guarded, because I did let you in, and that was one of the best decisions I ever made.